Don't let
Buongiorno!
Italian!
Oh, professorina bellissima!
Hello!
We are gonna sing You Get What You Give by the New Radicals this year better than we ever have before!
I can't believe it!
Fourth year in a row!
It's an anthem.
Mr. Marquez, Becca's being such a bitch.
Oh, I... What?
Whoa, now.
She said I have no ass.
Tiffany, I did not say that.
Yeah, you literally did, though.
I said it could be bigger.
You literally did, though.
I'm just saying it could be bigger.
I... I'm sorry.
I truly cannot comment on this.
I can.
You're good.
Becca is your best friend.
Just literally go talk to her.
Figure it out.
Whatever.
Oh, it is flat.
Quiet.
Attention, everyone.
Students, teachers, parent chaperones, for the most memorable weekend of the school year, the junior class field trip.
Oh, give it up.
Yes, yes.
We're very excited about this.
All right, so we've got 90 minutes, 90 minutes to get there.
We don't want to waste any time.
So if you have to pee, pee now, or forever hold your pee.
Look at this shit.
250 calories, contains soy and tree nuts?
Boy, I'm gonna be yoked after this thing.
Well, I hope you don't plan on eating those out in the wild, man.
I mean, I'm a black bear.
I'm smelling that from a thousand miles out.
You're a black bear?
The wilderness takes no prisoners, Rick.
That's the first thing we learned in Roxy.
R-O-T-C.
Did you get kicked out?
I guess that's why I only remember the first thing they taught us.
And I didn't get kicked out.
I was honorably discharged.
I'm not a fucking pussy.
Nick and I had sex last night for, like, the first time in forever.
In, like, months.
In months?
What?
It's fine.
Sometimes he jerks off and I watch.
Is that it?
Is that what being straight is like?
I'm making a point.
So we found, like, a latex-free brand of condoms.
Condoms?
You know I'm allergic to latex, right?
I feel like you're losing that threat.
Gwen, how long have I known you?
I know you're allergic to latex.
Sorry to interrupt.
Hi, I'm Sharon, one of the parent chaperones.
Hey.
Were you guys talking about condoms?
Did the kids bring condoms?
I don't know.
We don't know what the kids brought.
Okay, well.
What?
Right.
Sorry, I'll keep it down.
Yeah.
This whole trip, these kids are gonna be trying to get into all sorts of wicked little sexual games.
Very specific games.
Okay, well, we'll keep it down.
Yeah.
You know about Stoneface?
What?
It's a new sex game these kids are playing.
You know how they play?
Do we know how they play?
No, we've never heard of it.
No, I don't even want to say.
That's how deviant it is.
Ah.
A bunch of boys sit around a table, and one girl, God help her, gets under that table and gives one of them... Blowjobs?
And then the young man on the receiving end, he has to keep a straight face like this.
A stone face.
and then they guess who the lucky boy was.
I don't understand who guesses.
Everyone.
Why do you keep looking back there?
What?
Something's going on with you.
No, man.
I think I got a shot with Gwen.
Wow, dude.
I'm pretty sure you don't.
She's like a bombshell.
What are you, crazy?
You saw the guy she's dating, Nick.
He's a friggin' Adonis.
No, an Adonis.
He's 140 pounds soaking wet, can't shovel dirt to save his life.
I think guys that are thin are often considered attractive.
Gwen needs a real man, all right?
A man that can protect her, who can provide for her, who can chop wood in nature.
I think women care more like if a guy's got a cute face and good personality, so you might be fucked.
Wrong.
And if you don't know what a power cuck is already, I can guarantee you'll see it in action before the weekend is out.
I highly doubt that.
Yeah, again, I don't think you have to worry about these plants.
You know, you could just have fun this weekend.
This is like, you need a B average to get on this train.
Oh, OK.
And I'll just say that Liam Drake invented tip licking.
And he's at Georgetown, so there's that.
Tip licking?
No one wants just a tip licked.
That can't be real.
It's a game, OK?
It's a game.
Okay, well, you know what?
We're gonna keep a good eye out for any tables or boys sitting down situations.
Yeah, tables and chairs.
Thank you.
And please, if we can just keep a close eye on my son.
The girls are just trying to eat him alive.
Puberty has hit him like a truck, and he is just a little boy in the body of a man.
Which one's your son?
Sorry, I forget.
The cutest one here.
Josh?
Or not Josh?
Gwen.
James.
Pearson oh Yeah, he is in the I see why you're worried I never knew this system where you put the stuff in the tent and then you build the tent around it Oh Gwen, did you find my Spurs hat?
I can't find it still.
I didn't I'm sorry.
I looked everywhere Wait, why would you have his hat?
Oh
The pool project.
Marky helped Nick with, like, digging last night.
What?
Yeah.
Nick needed someone with big muscles to come over and do all the man work, you know?
She asked, I obliged.
Do you have big muscles?
The biggest.
Rick was there, too.
Yeah.
It wasn't, like, just Marky or anything.
Oh, my God, it'd be so weird if it was just Marky.
Would it?
Wait, Rick was there, too?
Why is this such a big deal?
I mean, you can, like, don't make me say it.
What are you trying to say?
Like, everyone was hanging out without me.
Oh, no, no.
No.
Oh, my God.
We weren't hanging out.
You're totally misunderstanding this.
It was, like, help.
Nick needed help digging the pool, and it wasn't, like, fun.
I thought it was fun.
But this is not the kind of thing that Evan would have found fun.
He would have hated it.
It's fine.
I'm fine.
Are you?
Does not matter to me.
It does not matter, I promise you.
Yo, can one of you guys take a look at my tent?
I got you, bud.
No, I'll help you.
What was that?
It's fine.
This looks good.
Damn right it does.
This is too long.
When I try to arch it up, it's too long.
It's pissing me off.
But it is starting to look like a tent, so whatever you're doing, just, like, keep doing that.
Where are you going?
I'm gonna smoke.
You're smoking fucking weed.
Dude, I have to.
These kids are, like, ten seconds away from making me cry.
Yo, actually, can you light this lighter for me?
My thumb's all fucked up.
Please.
You shouldn't be smoking weed on a camping trip with children.
Who cares?
How'd you mess your thumb up?
Oh my God, it's so fucking stupid.
What were you all hanging out at Gwen's house last night?
I was trying to plug my Nintendo Switch into their HDMI cord behind the TV and did this weird move when I was like trying to plug it in.
You guys played Nintendo Switch at Gwen's house last night?
Dude, we played, like, eight rounds of Mario Kart.
This was after you guys did the pool stuff.
Yeah, we were up till, like, 2 a.m.
I was so tired this morning, I almost didn't even come.
Good harmony on that one.
Good.
Okay, and then we do this together?
Are you flat there?
Okay, but it's not Broadway.
You don't have to be like... You can just be like... It's like talk singing.
It's like you're in Dear Evan Hansen.
It's not like you're in Hello Dolly.
It's sounding completely flat to me.
That one was good, I feel.
Let's go to the chorus, right?
Let's go to the chorus.
Just wait for me to hit the... You're jumping it, you're jumping it.
Sorry.
Two, three.
You didn't even let me hit the chord.
Something is going on.
With us?
Yeah.
Nothing's going on.
I'm fine.
Okay.
I'm just, I want this song to be good.
Gotcha!
Oh my God.
What can we do for you?
Just make it so no one is playing Stone Face.
Okay.
We are both teachers in our 30s.
There are two of us.
I am gay.
She has a boyfriend.
So for that reason and a hundred other reasons, we're not playing Stone Face, Sharon.
We couldn't fit a table in here if we tried.
Someone is playing it somewhere.
I know that.
Okay.
No, but thank you.
That, this is- That song you were playing.
You were a little pitchy, but it really brought me back.
It was before I was married.
You can imagine the trouble I got into.
I bet, yeah.
Right.
Thank you.
Can I help you, please?
Okay.
We'll keep an eye out for anything like that.
She looking?
Gwen?
Nah, she's busy, dawg.
Get her to look, man.
My package is looking loco in this harness.
Look at it.
It looks like he went to a dumpster and stuffed it with trash, dawg.
She's looking kinda.
Get her to look fully.
Gwen!
She's still not even looking.
My neck is actually, like, tweaked out by those tents.
Did you sleep okay?
Are you mad at me?
You are mad at me.
I'm not mad at you.
I'm mad at my own feelings in a stupid situation.
Come on.
This is our favorite trip.
I miss my buddy.
Talk to me.
I mean, what, what, what, why, why would you all hang out without me?
Do you guys hate me?
We definitely don't hate you.
It's like everybody acts like they're my best friend until I just find out you all kind of think I'm like a weirdo and that I can't come to your normie hang and play video games or something.
I can play video games.
I grew up playing video games.
We know you can play video games.
So then why wasn't I fucking invited?
It's because you just don't like helping people, Evan.
I'm just... I mean, the whole point was, like, to get together and help my boyfriend build a pool.
I'm just saying, it's like physical labor, and I asked the people who... You know, the whole point was to be helpful, and you just don't do that, you know?
You don't bring anything to the parties.
You think you're such a delight that you don't have to.
Thank you.
This is feeling very intense.
Yeah, it kind of is.
Helmet?
My dad says that you're really jealous of me.
Really?
Then when did you start wearing blue?
Like, as soon as I started wearing blue.
You literally don't even like blue.
Okay, but I'm wearing a different... I'm wearing baby blue.
You like hang out without me and then you take that opportunity to then tell me that you don't like major aspects of my personality?
Am I right?
Literally, the worst decision I've ever made was coming on this spill trip with you.
Do you think I'm a bad friend?
After all the stuff I do for you?
Like, listening to you talk for hours about your boyfriend who's losing his mind and building a pool by hand?
Or, I don't know, like, when I got you this job?
Oh, you got me this job?
You didn't get me an interview?
Because I'm pretty sure that's what happened.
Oh, that's how you got somebody a job.
I can't believe I'm friends with you, like, honestly.
You're lucky you're friends with me.
If you think you've got me the job, that tells me everything that I need to know about what you think of me.
What do you think that I think of you?
That you think I'm, like, a stupid girl that's just kind of waiting and hoping at home, just waiting for you to call me, like, you're just my only friend.
No.
Like, no.
I'm not giving this to you.
fucking bitch all the time.
It's me listening to you.
Let me just take this opportunity to say I'm not your therapist.
I should be paid for the amount of shit I have to talk you through.
Is Malcolm my boyfriend?
I don't know if I should make my boyfriend.
Oh my God, no, don't text him anymore.
He's not my friend anymore.
Oh my God, I fucked him last night.
I cannot keep track.
Mr. Marquez, you have to send Becca home.
Just cut her out of your life.
Okay, I'm right here.
I didn't say I wanted to cut her out of my way.
Yeah, but you guys wouldn't be arguing all the time if you actually were friends.
You know what, Tiffany?
Mr. Marquez thinks that conflict is the end of a relationship, which is why he's unable to engage in healthy conflict, which is ironically a quality that can end a relationship.
Maybe we're just realizing we're not a match, actually.
Oh, my God.
Why is that vein bulging out of your neck like that?
I don't know!
Tiffany, just ask Gwen!
She knows everything that's wrong with me.
Actually, you are fucking insane.
Fuck through this tunnel!
God!
Hey!
Up!
Why?
You know damn well why, perverts.
Thank you.
Just disgusting.
I don't think they were doing what you think they were doing.
You don't know the half of what I think they were doing.
Yeah, I just made this pretty cool decision, which is I'm not going to talk to you anymore.
Bye.
And the ghost turned out to be her brother, who was dead.
Why?
Why was he haunting her?
Because.
Because she didn't vote.
Oh, that's pretty scary stuff, man.
So let's vote.
Yeah.
Why are you wearing those night vision goggles?
Because it's night time, and they're badass.
All right, now we have a little tradition.
You're in for a little treat.
Come on up, Mr. Marquez and Ms.
Sanders.
Give it up.
Hello.
1, 2, 3, 4.
Frenemies who when you're down ain't your friend Every night we smash a Mercedes Benz First we run but then we laugh till we cry Here you go When the night is falling
When your dreams are dying, hold tight.
You only just sing the song, Gwen.
No, no, I think you've got this.
So I guess you're not the helpful one now.
You can't help me sing this song?
It's better solo, right?
He doesn't need me.
I don't think you need me.
I don't think we're a match.
Keep going, keep going.
Show must go on.
OK, it is now a duet.
You've got the music in you.
Don't let go.
You've got the music in you.
One dance left.
This world is going to pull through.
Don't give up.
You've got a reason to live.
Hey, put him down.
Put him down.
Forget we already get what we going to get.
Guys, stop, please.
I think she's insane.
This is great.
That's it.
Okay, that's great.
That's great.
Fuck.
I burnt another one.
Gwen and I are fine, I think.
Or if we're not fine, it's her fault.
I don't know.
Let it out, buddy.
I'm a great listener, you know?
Yeah, look, I got your back, man.
And if it comes to us picking sides, it's nothing personal.
I just... I really prefer her company to yours.
You prefer Gwen's company?
Yeah.
Thank you.
Help.
Is that your safe word?
Help.
I think Grant needs help.
Hey, Sharon?
Huh?
I think I saw some boys sitting by a makeshift picnic table by the restroom.
Are you serious?
Yeah, and now that I think about it, there might have been a girl over there as well.
I'll be right back.
That was good.
Oh, thank you.
You okay?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Suburban moms come to the wilderness and something happens.
They make cheaper night vision goggles, but they're not the real McCoy, you know?
I mean, and check this out.
You fire them up... I mean, come on.
Yeah, they're so cool.
Seriously.
Every time I watch Zero Dark Thirty, I just pop these bad boys on.
It's like I'm right there.
You watch Zero Dark Thirty more than once?
You know, Bin Laden had five wives.
That's messed up, right?
You only need one person in life, you know?
What are you talking about?
Sorry, I just, like... I just need to be alone right now.
I mean, is that what any of us really want in this world?
What?
Give them a test drive.
That's all.
Just try them, you know?
They'll really freak your bean.
Oh, my God, my bean.
Look, right there.
Right there.
Yeah, yeah.
Right there.
Ooh!
Yeah, right?
Oh, they're so cool.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm gonna take these.
I'll talk to you soon.
All right.
Watch it, though.
You might see things you didn't know were there, and that changes everything.
The crazy thing is, I didn't even start smoking weed till I was 32 to help deal with my imposter syndrome.
32?
How old are you now?
I know, right?
Exactly.
You're okay.
Just breathe.
You'll be fine.
Is anyone here a doctor?
Gwen?
Parent doctor?
Just breathe.
Breathe.
Was it something I said?
Gwen, if this is drugs, we need to know.
No shame, no judgment.
We just need to know.
It's not drugs.
It's not
Hey, where's your bag?
Stay with me, please.
Please stay with me on this.
What happened?
Latex.
The goggles, she's allergic to latex.
I didn't know.
I'm so sorry.
That was so fucking stupid.
You're my favorite person in the world.
You're my favorite person.
Oh, my God.
You okay, baby?
Is she dead?
Guess how many bites I can throw this down in.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Wrong.
Look at him.
Every time.
It's disgusting how he eats.
You should have seen him with the pizza at my house the other night.
Pizza?
I know.
Oh my god.
I keep discovering levels to this incredible hang you all have.
It's fine.
I'm fine.
I'm kidding.
You know, actually, wait.
Everyone is coming over Sunday if you want to help mix concrete.
We can order pizza.
I cannot even believe you don't want to come.
I don't want to come!
I knew it!
I want to be invited!
So that, look, we did it.
That's all you had to do was invite me.
You're always invited.
Thank you.
Thank you for the invite.
Maybe I'll come by when the manual labor is over.
Becca!
Go sit next to Tiffany.
No, she's toxic.
Everyone is toxic.
She's your best friend.
Go sit with her.
She told me it was offensive to learn Mandarin.
Because you're not Japanese.
That's the wrong country, bitch.
You're best friends.
It's not about you anymore at this point.
Best friends sit together.
It's about us.
What's life if you don't have your best friends?
Go.
You will miss each other when you graduate, I promise you.
That's good.
All is right in the world.
Classic damsel in distress moment, and I biffed it.
Dude, she practically died.
I don't think she was gonna, like, bounce back to life and hook up with you.
I should've been a doctor.
I agree.
You should've been a completely different person, and then I think that this would've worked out.
This is you.
Yo, what up, teach?
Oh, my God.
Sharon, where'd you come from?
What are you guys up to next week?
We're just teaching, you know?
Yeah.
Just work.
Me?
Gotta investigate this new thing I've been hearing about.
Well, good luck.
I'm sure it will be interesting.
Have you heard of a no-loads-refused cum dump?
Okay, well, it was so nice to meet you.
But we didn't exchange numbers.
You gotta go home today.
It feels true, you're the one who called me, baby, and told me how good it could be.
Little girl, you're the one that's got me down on my knees.
So confident, you, little girl, that I never want to give myself away.
It feels true, you're the one who called me and told me it got me so down.