On a Saturday night, looking for the fight of her life In the real-time world, no one sees her at all They all say she's crazy It can cut you like a knife If the gift becomes her heart On a wire, between will and what will be She's a maniac, maniac on the floor
Oh, you're so late.
You're so beautiful.
Oh, you're beautiful.
Call me after class.
Morning.
Tough seat, huh?
Jessica, tell your mom she can't send me emails like that, okay?
It's inappropriate.
Oh, this is fun.
What up?
To you guys as well.
Oh, no, wait.
All right.
Everyone did the reading?
You know, the kids this year, I feel like they're less woke.
Did you notice that?
They're not into being woke anymore.
It's circled back around.
It's circled all the way around.
And now they're like for what they say they're against.
Right.
And they're saying the R word again.
Like, you have that kid.
What was he saying about the Spanish Inquisition?
I had to teach both sides of the Spanish Inquisition.
He got upset.
He started crying.
And I have these kids that are showing me AI porn of Oscar Wilde having sex with women.
He was gay six years at the school today.
No, it's anymore.
It's anymore soon I can't believe they even still make that stuff whenever I see it.
I think it's a can of dog Which is good, by the way, because all these little fuckers roaming around just filming everything we do and Sending it off the communist China.
Are you talking?
Let me ask you, why is the number one app in the world run by America's only enemy?
I didn't say no politics.
A lot of people say they vote with their dollar.
A lot of people do vote with their dollar.
I vote with my dollar.
I also vote with my vote, okay?
And I never choose who I'm going to vote for until after the debates, by the way.
That is not true.
It's 100% true.
It is not true.
Believe it, buddy, all right?
It's called nobility of spirit.
You got it, too, deep inside.
You just need a hot boyfriend to spank it out of you every morning.
Do not bring lunch from home.
It's not worth it this year, man.
What?
I can't be carrying this much shit!
Wait, what do you mean, this here?
They upgraded the lunch, look at that.
Mark, he's got pecan pie.
Who upgraded the lunch?
Dude, you guys gotta respond to my stock guy.
He's got these new opportunities.
I don't want you guys to miss out.
Rick, I would politely ask you to stop sending us those emails because those actually are spam and that guy, I think, is scamming you.
No, this guy's legit.
I met him at a TED Talk.
You went to a TED Talk?
You went to a TED Talk in person?
Yeah.
Or was it TEDx?
It's different?
What's different?
This is why I get my paycheck in cash.
It goes right in the safe.
That's insane.
Are you stupid?
You're losing 0.8% each year.
You pay taxes on that?
Taxation is theft.
Right.
Who is that?
Oh, that's the new physics teacher he's filling in for Jennifer.
He's cool.
Like, for the first semester or the year if she does well in the Amazing Race.
I can't believe she got on that show with a hernia.
No, I think it was an atopic baby.
That's not the word.
Evan, Evan, can I talk to you in my office?
Now?
Yes.
Come, come.
No vaping.
I can smell it.
No, you can't.
Oh.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
Okay, yep, you're being investigated.
I'm being investigated for what?
Yep, a mom named Linda Harrison.
Linda Harrison, wait, I know that.
Alleges that you kissed your boyfriend in front of her son.
Oh my God.
The whole class of other high schoolers at the end of last school year.
You talked to me about that when it happened, that was nothing.
I know, but now she's made a formal complaint and I have to read this.
Wait, her kid, that kid graduated, he's in college now.
Why is she doing this now?
I don't know, why does anybody do anything?
Wait a minute, Linda Harrison, I remember that name.
That's the mom that complained about the assigned reading.
Lewd content, yeah.
Lewd content, right?
And do you remember what the book was that she said was lewd?
The Great Gatsby.
Do you know how long that's been on the curriculum?
Oh my god!
I mean, this doesn't make sense.
This is political.
She's doing a political move.
Yeah, politics are real.
You know what, why doesn't Marky ever get investigated for all that shit he says?
Who?
Marky, Marky.
The gym teacher, Marky.
Marky, he can't be investigated.
He has a protected victim status.
How do I get that?
Because he was injured in a car accident in this first week of training in the ROTC.
And he's 132nd Native American, and he has paper proof of that.
This is insane.
I mean, you kissed your boyfriend in front of her son.
This is serious now.
I think it was just like...
Just like barely, just like, I don't even know if our lips touch.
Do you understand?
This is homophobia.
This is what homophobia is like.
It's insidious.
I don't care what it is.
I'm agoraphobic.
So what do I do?
I just wait for my fate to be decided?
I don't know, you could do anything.
If you hand in your resignation letter, you could work in a restaurant or something.
Or, you know, do a short film with your friends.
Join Amway.
Amway's very good.
You want me to quit this job?
No, I don't want you to quit.
I don't want you to quit.
She wants you to quit.
Look, what I want you to do is just write a statement in defense of your position, okay?
And I'll submit it to the district on your behalf.
That's what I can do.
I'm not writing a statement.
This whole thing is bullshit.
It's not bullshit.
You're lucky they're not suspending you.
Grant, let me ask you something.
Her kid, you remember that kid?
Is he gay now?
He's in college and he's gay now, right?
I always felt like that kid was gay.
Just, Evan, just stop.
I'm right?
Just stop.
I'm right?
She thinks I turned her kid gay.
This is insane!
Evan, just please take the rest of the day off.
I mean, I guess I have said this before, not to, like, whatever, but I did quit for a reason.
I know you quit for a reason.
I'm like, I really am thriving right now.
They're like giving away tech jobs in Austin.
I've worked at the job for, what, two months now?
I've used my dental insurance four times.
Four times.
I'm getting braces for, like, no reason.
I'm not gonna quit teaching.
I can't just work in tech.
I need a job that means something to me, which I hate.
Yeah, no, that sucks.
But I mean, maybe if you were in like a city school here in Austin, it'd be one thing, but these suburbs, they're still like very old-fashioned.
No, but I have to stay there because somewhere bigoted like that is where you can make the most difference.
Like, what am I doing?
doing if I'm not trying to improve the future for these kids that come through that system.
If I just succumb to the evil intentions of their conservative parents, then the kids are going to grow up to be exactly like them, and then it's 1980 again, or worse.
Okay, I mean, I will just say, like, I wouldn't think of all conservatives as evil.
I don't.
I'm basically a conservative at this point.
No, not about, like, everything.
I still want, like, social progress.
You say that because you think it's kitschy, but you're not actually... No, I really, it's like, I am against a lot of what the left... I don't even know what I am anymore.
I listen to Red Scare.
If my very desire to fuck is... Oh, I love this song.
If my very desire to fuck is, like, up for debate or potentially evil to them...
I don't know, we have to do something.
Oh, we?
You and I?
You and I, us together.
No!
Go talk to the school board.
We're the ones who kiss.
We are not even together anymore because you can't commit.
You always act like I broke up with you, but I didn't break up with you.
We broke up with each other.
I'm not going back anywhere near that school and I'm certainly not getting involved.
On that note, if you are open to it, I would be down to hang out today at your place.
Okay.
Wow.
I'm supposed to take the rest of the day off to think about my actions.
See, this is your whole thing.
You create your own problems.
Like this, for example.
What happens if you get me pregnant?
Like, are we gonna keep the baby?
I can't raise a baby.
I work in tech.
If I get you pregnant, it would be a miracle.
This behavior would not only be tolerated, but encouraged if a straight couple did the same.
Homophobia.
Hello?
What are you doing, you little gay guy?
I love it when you call me that.
I'm writing this official statement that I have to submit for this investigation.
What do you have so far?
To whom it may concern, I pecked my boyfriend on the cheek, perhaps making momentary passing contact with his lips in front of a class of his students.
We were in a serious relationship at the time, and it is clear to me that this behavior would not only be tolerated, but encouraged if a straight couple did the same.
That's all I have.
It feels kind of defensive.
No, no.
I think that's good.
Like, you're in the right on that.
Yeah.
Did you talk to Malcolm about it?
We hooked up today, actually.
Oh, my God.
Crazy.
I didn't know you guys did that still.
Yeah, barely.
Sometimes.
Did you guys do it at the school?
In front of all the students?
I gotcha, I gotcha.
The vegan one!
Sorry, Nick's making dinner and he's just basically been trying to busy himself since he lost the job.
He's been making like those HelloFresh meals that are too salty.
Tell him I love him.
Evan says he loves you.
Aww, he loves you too.
Okay, I get it.
I gotta go.
I love you so much.
Okay, love you.
Bye.
So fast, you're the best part of a sad song You get me all out of breath, too fast And I miss you when I'm going home And I've been running in circles, again But I swear that I could feel the end if I'm not in Havana
Ow, Jesus.
Think fast, Marques.
Come on, man.
You can't just throw a ball at me and then say, think fast.
I can't anticipate a ball that just appears out of nowhere.
Working on your defense statement, I see.
I'm not allowed to.
God, that's a piece of shit.
I can tell already.
How do you know I even have to write a defense statement?
Because I know things, man.
I got my ear on a grindstone.
You know, it's nose to the grindstone or ear to the ground.
No, it could be whatever you want.
I got my finger on the pulse, okay?
That's correct.
Okay, put this in there.
I am being targeted for harassment because I, you, I am a proud gay man.
I'm not that proud.
You gotta fight fire with fire these days, Marquez.
Life's not a fucking poem.
It's a full-contact sport.
I'm just saying, man, like, these kids, they just want the power they feel when they get you in trouble.
They're the inmates who want to run the asylum.
It's not a bad point, but the thing is, the kid is not trying to get power in this situation.
It's his mother.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Linda Harrison.
Oh, God.
I'm not supposed to tell you... It's her son.
He took your class.
She's... Holy shit, dude.
She's saying because her son's gay, right?
I didn't turn her son gay.
I'm not... Well, you sure about that?
It doesn't work that way, Marky.
You can't turn people gay.
I'm not saying you did it on purpose, but look, he sees you being you and thinks, that's how I want to be.
That's how I felt the first time I saw Jose Canseco in person.
Who is Jose Gonzalez?
Well, there he is.
Eric Not-So-Speedy Gonzalez.
1751.
Wow.
Which is why I think this whole book and the idea of people being spot on 24-7 is bullshit.
Don't curse.
This is book club.
It's fine.
It's not actual classes.
Still technically school.
And this is coming from my teacher who's being investigated?
How do you know that?
Come on.
Everybody knows this.
You kissed your little boyfriend in front of the students.
Well, whatever I did or didn't do, I'm not gonna talk about it with you guys, okay?
Just claim that they're attacking you because you're Hispanic and they have, like, a racist agenda.
Yeah, but that has nothing to do with it.
Hispanic would never work anyway because they can do, like, one of those DNA tests and disprove it.
Oh, my God, Becca, he is Hispanic.
What way?
His mom from Colombia.
That's not Hispanic.
Hispanic means Mexican.
I'm calling the cops.
You're bullying me.
You're bullying me, because I told you not to talk to me.
Look, Mr. Marquez, you're gay, you're Hispanic.
This is a slam dunk here.
I'm telling you, gay doesn't count anymore, and he talks like a straight white guy.
I think your voice is a little gay.
Actually really gay.
Oh, thanks.
If they're going to get you, they're going to get you.
There's nothing you can do about it.
They got me and I had everything going for me.
Jeff, they got you for selling Molly at the junior prom.
I was doing it as a bit.
They've all been trying to get me since the first time I wore those camo overalls, which I was also doing as a bit.
Jeff, what do you mean by bit?
Just like something I'm doing and I really mean it.
That's not right.
Why would you want to stay at a job if they're treating you like this?
Exactly.
Because this job is important to me, you know?
I like watching young kids bloom and grow.
Don't say that at your trial, okay?
It sounds creepy.
There's not gonna be a trial, okay?
You guys are fucking... You're freaking me out.
No cursing at school.
Okay, that's our time.
Hopefully we can be more productive next week when your essays are due.
Thank you.
This is my kid.
Look, I'm on your side, okay?
Fuck those people who don't like little gay kisses, you know?
Look, your new physics teacher hasn't learned to not eat the nachos yet.
Oh, he's gonna find out soon enough.
In the bathroom.
I heard... Oh, God, there's bone in that.
I heard he won, like, best teacher in the state or something in Louisiana.
Hey, Frodo!
Fruit Loop!
You can't call me Fruit Loop, Marky.
It's just the name of a cereal, buddy.
Then why don't you say Cheerios?
Because there ain't nothing gay about Cheerios.
Listen, listen, listen.
You're never gonna believe this, okay?
My students, they want me to explain non-binary.
What does that have to do with me?
Because you're going to give the speech.
It's your lucky day, man.
No, I'm not.
Oh, come on.
You know you want this.
No.
I think this is your hero moment.
Come on, buddy.
Mark.
Opportunity knocks.
Who's home?
Evan's home.
I'm not doing this.
Evan, please.
You're going to ask me three more times?
No.
It's not happening.
All right, everyone.
Listen up.
This is Mr. Marquez.
He is here to teach you all about non-binary.
He has a very special gay guest.
Clap, clap for him.
Now, everyone, clap.
Gwen, what are you doing here?
Supervising, covering.
Don't you have a class?
No, no.
Why don't you just teach it to them?
You're the expert.
I'm the expert?
I'm not, I'm binary.
What?
That doesn't mean what you think it means.
Okay, hello class.
My name is Mr. Marquez.
I am a teacher here at school that many of you know, and I'm here to talk to you today about a subject that I think you all like know about already because you're all on Tumblr.
Tumblr's dead.
You're all on the internet, and you're on TikTok and Instagram, and you know this stuff, so I don't even know why you're asking me to explain it, but a non-binary person, right, is just somebody who does not identify as male or female.
Oh, like a hermaphrodite.
No.
Yes.
Not at all.
And that word is not in use anymore, is it?
Is it?
I don't know.
I... It's very simple, okay?
You're teachers this year.
We all had to state our pronouns before class, right?
We know all this.
Then why did you ask me to explain it to you?
You have been set up, 100%.
Yeah, like, we've been recording you this entire time.
See, you were supposed to fail at explaining it, because you're, like, horrible with words.
So that was finna go everywhere online.
Oh, my...
God, they just wanted to fucking film you talking about it.
That is so- That is very nefarious.
This isn't right.
Please don't film your teachers doing things like this, him or me.
I know he's worse than me, but I don't need this on the internet.
Please don't put that on- I feel attacked right now.
You feel like what?
I feel attacked right now.
I feel attacked!
Here's my statement.
I also want to say, in conjunction with this, that this whole thing is very messed up, okay?
This is messed up the beginning of my year.
What's this in regards to?
What's it in... The investigation into this completely innocuous thing, expressing love to my life partner at the time.
Evan, the investigation is over.
I'm sorry.
I forgot to tell you.
What the fuck are you talking about?
The mom dropped the whole case.
The whole thing.
Done.
Gone.
Boom.
What?
Well, she, well, apparently Marky, Marky talked to her.
Marky talked to her?
Yeah.
They're close.
I don't know how, but yeah.
He talked some sense into her and it's just... Oh my God.
Um, no, but there is one thing.
The district did say, did say one thing.
Let me find it.
that you are strictly forbidden from dating... that you are strictly forbidden from dating faculty from now on.
You'll be fired.
Otherwise, you're okay with that, right?
Yeah.
Oh.
You should read my statement.
I spent all week on it.
It's really good.
Oh.
Uh, sure.
Yeah.
Oh, to whom it may concern.
Gestapo usually comes with a capital, but I don't know, it's really good, really good.
Marky, Marky, you talked to the mom.
This is incredible.
Oh, dude, yeah.
Don't even sweat that.
I've actually known Loudmouth Harrison for years.
We used to call her Bassmouth.
You want to get a hook in there, don't you?
This is phenomenal.
Oh, my God, the relief I am feeling.
Not a problem.
You help me, I help you.
What happened?
What'd you say to her?
I walked into the country club where she frequents, caught her three martinis in and said, hey, back off, or I'm going to tell everyone here that your son is gay.
You what?
I mean, he is gay.
It's not lying.
You know, it's just hitting her with the truth, man.
Some people can't handle that shit.
No.
You can't use homophobia to fight homophobia.
We work with the tools we have.
No.
What's the big deal?
I did you a... Come on.
What?
Are you mad?
The big deal is I wanted to win this for real, Mark, you know, with threats from you.
It's not a threat.
They're all gonna find out eventually.
I just offered to expedite the process.
This is about principles, Marky.
This is about my right to exist as a man in the modern world without being harassed by women like this.
This is about ethics and ideals.
Wake up, Evan.
No one gives a shit about your highfalutin ideals, bro.
Okay?
Seriously.
Life is a football game, and you keep showing up in a goddamn tutu, all right?
We were down, fourth and one.
I called the play.
Quarterback sneak.
Now we got a new set of downs, and you can go stand behind a bent-over dude again, alright?
I saved your job, man, because you're a friend.
That's what friends do.
We help each other out, and if that's not part of your fucking code, then... I don't know what else to say to you, dude.
I don't understand the football stuff you were saying, but thanks.
Thank you.
Wait, hold up.
All right.
Hey, any time, see?
Any time.
I got you.
Fruit loop.
Hey, boy.
What up?
Have you met Harry, the new guy?
He's looking for some dry erasers.
Kids keep drawing bubble butts on his board.
This guy hoards everything.
I do have an extra eraser.
Hey, I actually forgot to introduce myself.
I'm Evan Marcus.
Hi, Harry Dottler.
Oh, nice.
Gwen said you're from Louisiana.
Yeah.
My home got destroyed in the storm, so.
Oh, wow.
Trying to build a new home here.
You know?
That's great.
I'm so sorry about that.
It's not great.
I'm sorry about the storm.
It sucked.
I like your shirt.
This white shirt?
Yeah.
you